Digesting the lowest rung of pop culture so you don't have to!
25 Days of Christmas: ‘Babes in Toyland’
December 4, 2012Posted by on
Babes in Toyland. E’Gad! What the hell is this? Why does this movie exist? Why did a cast of seemingly solid actors agree to be in this piece of garbage? This is just pure awfulness in a movie. It is illogical, cheap-looking (even for a TV movie), and not even all that fun. It even lacks any sense of charm. My brain hurts just thinking about it.
So, here we have a young Drew Barrymore as Lisa, a girl who has no time for fun. Something happens where she is transported to a magical world of Toyland. She then crosses paths with the evil Barnaby (Richard Mullgian) when she stops his wedding to the fair Mary Contrary (Jill Schoelen). He then plots revenge or something with his army of trolls (yeah…I do not know either). Now, it is up to Lisa (for some reason) and the mysterious and wise Toymaster (Pat Morita) to stop him.
Seriously. This movie is bizarre. And not in a good way. I got this movie as a gift years ago when I was younger. I was a fan of Bill and Ted, and a friend of mine at the time figured I would like Babes in Toyland since it also starred Keanu Reeves. Bless his heart. If the ten year-old me kind of thought this was stupid, you know there is a problem.
Just to give you an idea of how stupid this movie actually is: TWICE we get a song about how great the city of Cincinnati is. I am sure it is a fine town, but the song is just over-kill. In fact, at one point, Barrymore singing this song helps save her friends from certain death. Did the mayor of Cincinnati give a large enough donation to the production of this movie?
The film also suffers from nonsensical character motivations. The Toymaster is seen collecting the world’s evil (in liquid form, no less). Why does he do this? What purpose does it serve other than for the bad guy to try to steal it? I would love to see a follow-up if it is revealed the Toymaster (who, spoilers, is also Santa Claus) is really a scheming, evil, and homicidal madman bent on world domination. That, actually, would probably be worth seeing.
Babes in Toyland…yeesh. Do yourself a favor and pass on this one. Instead, track down and find the Laurel and Hardy version or the operetta which this movie is very loosely based on. Now, if you will excuse me. I am going to bash my head in with a hammer after taking the time to think about this movie.