Zack & Nick's Culture Cast

Digesting the lowest rung of pop culture so you don't have to!

Ahhh! I watched the Bloodrayne series!

According to imdb.com, all three Bloodrayne movies ranked at 2.8, 2.6, and 2.9 out of 10. That qualifies as awful entertainment and Kyle’s excitement. I just finished watching all three of them, and gosh they were awful but delightfully entertaining. I don’t know much about the video game but I sure hope it’s better than any of these. Let’s start with the first…

Bloodrayne ( ‘05). Best of the three. I love blood, especially the squirting and excessive kind, and this movie satisfied. Some well known actors/resses included, most popularly (my opinion)Michelle Rodriguez, Ben Kingsley, and Michael Madsen (the dancing guy in Reservoir Dogs). It’s wonderful that they all came together for a good ol’ blood fest but they sure didn’t make anything out of it. Kristanna Loken, the T-X from Terminator 3, was “Rayne” the titular character and a half-vampire, half-human(I’d say an awful reimagining of Blade). Between Blade and Rayne? Rayne would trip over Blade’s awesomeness and never get back up. I’ll give it to her that her character developed from a carnival freak to some savior of the castle. I later came to appreciate her personality after finishing the series. I guess I like it when the titular character defends the poor. But for a B-movie, it was good and entertaining. The plot was simple and easy to follow.  Two years later and dropping the T-X / Blade-wannabe we get Natassia Malthe in her first headlining film…

Bloodrayne II: Deliverance (’07). It’s a cowboy/vampire flick. No more popular actors, just unknowns. We see way too much implied “coolness”, i.e., trenchcoat, drinking, etc. I liked the hypocritical preacher, the short-lived sheriff, and Billy the Kid. They all held, somewhat, solid personalities. It’s a straight-to-DVD and much worse than it’s predecessor. The new girl was awful the entire way through and I began to realize that Loken actually had a personality with some development. I missed Loken and felt wanting more from Malthia. There was absolutely nothing in this film. As we (hopefully) finish the series three years later we see that the producers went in a different direction with…

Bloodrayne: The Third Reich (2010).  In Nazi centered film, Malthe donned a ridiculous leather hat, push up brassiere and decided to bare it all in with a sun-deprived skin tone. This film sees Rayne battling Hitler or whatever. I can’t follow it, and I officially don’t care at all about this series or this movie. Rayne feels it necessary to show massive cleavage in every scene and wear that ridiculous leather cap and I can’t follow. It appears that audiences weren’t pleased with the absence of nudity in Deliverance because she certainly delivers it in the third. It may be that after two movies Rayne finally felt comfortable enough to show it off in every scene. In the first Bloodrayne there was one sex scene, and I say “Acceptable” but this third one went overboard. Anyways, I can’t place a popular movie that the scientist was in (Clint Howard) but I found him to be one of the best parts of the movie with a good look. I find a that good goatee or beard helps me pay closer attention in any movie.  My last issue was with the movie the lighting, we go from the first two films in usual darkness to the final one that takes place primarily outside? Vampires are dark and party all night, not mid-afternoon. Maybe too many bad movies with not enough true humor are too much for one night and I’m beginning to become pessimistic.

After watching some videos the video game seems a lot more entertaining than all three movies. Just from screenshots, she looks a lot more sick and vampiric. From the gameplay, I think I’d put in quite a  few hours (after Skyrim that is). Point is, the game has potential for another blog and a lot more attention.

What bothers me about this “vampire” series is that these people don’t look like Dracula or have superhuman strength. Where’s the wall breakage or bones breaking?! Remember Kiefer Sutherland in the Lost Boys? He was a splendid looking vampire that all vampires should strive for… and what the hell does half-vampire half-human mean? She’s just half dead? I come back from this realizing that Blade capitalized on this same premise (except that he was fully vampiric).

Some closing thoughts… this may be similar to the Mortal Kombat movie based off a game. I LOVED that movie and always will. I don’t believe the video game Bloodrayne has enough of a following to garner the same attention to this movie. I figure the same crowd that watched Underworld watched this one also. I’m just glad I put these films under my belt and I can look forward to more fun in the near future. Thanks for reading.

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3 responses to “Ahhh! I watched the Bloodrayne series!

  1. CultureCast-Z November 30, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    Good write-up, Kyle. I have never had any desire to check out these movies, so I’m glad you reviewed them. You gave me some good laughs just reading about them!

  2. Pingback: November Recap! « The Culture Cast with Zack and Nick

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