Zack & Nick's Culture Cast

Digesting the lowest rung of pop culture so you don't have to!

Is Santa Claus a horned monster, Goldberg from WCW, or a murdering bishop?

This Christmas season I became a bit more familiar with  some of our more horrific Christmas gems. Now, there are lots of Christmas-themed horror movies. They aren’t all terrible, but they offer us gorehounds a bit of relief during a merry and joyous season when a fresh kill or a splatter of blood are difficult to come by. They are unique pieces which must be appreciated for their rarity. Before we go over them, let us thank the producers of Spike TV for bringing us a Jaws marathon on Christmas eve. Thank you Spike TV! It was fantastic, and we look forward to it again next year. Let’s begin with three films: Saint, Santa’s Slay, and Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale.

I just finished watching the new release “Saint” or “Sint” (Dutch) by Dick Maas. It is entirely in Dutch and follows the local folklore of Saint “Niklas”. The film itself was pretty bad. It wasn’t low budget, but in the beginning I thought it’d be a slasher but then it became a bad thriller/suspense. The kills weren’t executed really good and there wasn’t a whole lot of gore. The film had bad direction, and I wasn’t sure who the main character was supposed to be. St. Niklas had a good costume but not enough to save the film. The only unique thing they tried for was the Dutch folklore, but they didn’t pull it off. It didn’t seem much different than an American St. Nicholas, except for a couple of things like how he comes on the full moon of December 5th, and lives on a boat. It’s also a bit weird, for all the bad children he kidnaps , he takes to Spain(?). I admit, I’ll never watch this film again. The only reason I’m including it is because it got me thinking and is a new release.

The next horrific Christmas film was Santa’s Slay (’05) with Bill Goldberg from the late World Championship Wrestling (WCW). A much better film than Saint, but not as a good as Rare Exports. Before watching this film I had pretty low expectations (like 1 or 2 out of 5) and would have been happy as long as it had Goldberg for at least 75% of the movie, and I saw his trademark move, The Spear. Let me tell you, this movie was good and entertaining! The script is awesome (“Why I’m just trying to spread a little yuletide FEAR!”) and enough comedy for the whole family! Also, it stars an earlier Emilie de Ravin (Lost‘s Claire Littleton) before she made it in the best TV series ever. No, this film does not have suspense, character development, positive imagery, but it is entertaining in a different and more simple way.

Lastly, Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale, now ranks next to Gremlins as the best Christmas/horror movie. I’ve already written an entry about it so I won’t go into much. Let it be known that this was worth the wait and I will purchase it to stand proudly in my library.

Other notable Christmas movies that have fallen into the horror realm and are recommendable are: Jack Frost, P2, Black X-Mas, and Gremlins. No other Christmas-themed horror film will ever garner more attention than Gremlins. Who can resist Mogwai?


One response to “Is Santa Claus a horned monster, Goldberg from WCW, or a murdering bishop?

  1. dad January 17, 2012 at 6:38 am

    nice blog, short and to the point, good job

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