Zack & Nick's Culture Cast

Digesting the lowest rung of pop culture so you don't have to!

Francesco Dellamorte, Dylan Dog, and Kyle Boatright

Horror movies are in a different realm within the cinematic world. Romances are all the same. Yes, I admit there are exceptional ones like The Notebook. Comedies are often too trashy and filthy and meaningless and raunchy… and too ridiculous that it goes beyond funny. In a bad way. Documentaries are too serious and don’t include enough zombies, etc.. But horror movies? They stand out. They incorporate so much into 90 minutes that I get addicted. So why does that matter? Because I’m an aesthete. I like to talk, and my good friend Nick has extended an invitation to join “The Culture Cast with Zack and Nick”. My name is Kyle Boatright, and I’d like to introduce you to Dylan and Francesco (Pronounced like Fran-CHesco; CH like in Jackie Chan).

Francesco is a graveyard watchman. You can find him in the movie Cemetary Man (’94, CM). The premise of the movie is that he simply “manages” the dead as they come back to life. I think like 2 weeks after they’ve died this happens. He does this with the help of an assistant Gnagi who is illiterate and doesn’t speak clearly but that doesn’t stop this animal from getting into trouble, which includes becoming wed to a zombie head! How cute! As we see Francesco “managing”, he comes across a beautiful woman mourning the loss of her late husband. He encounters her several times throughout the film. He quickly becomes infatuated with her, and they eventually hook up. Sadly, as things are starting to look good for him and this beaut …something terrible happens: “I’ve killed the only woman I ever loved”, he says dramatically. What a line. This film encapsulates all that is fabulous about horror movies and cinema overall, thus the reason I want to share my opinion with you. I have seen more horror movies than have been made. But this one has succinct and impressive script, beautiful actors, dark and creepy atmosphere, bloody good makeup and costumes, and quotes to live by:

“I’ve only read two books in my life: one, I never finished, and the other, a phone book”.

Excellent and mesmerizing story. The plot is simple enough to grasp what’s going on, but still it leaves you wondering. Go ahead and argue with me, but you can’t deny how it puts a smile on my face and happiness in my mind.

Now, who is Dylan Dog? He is a paranormal/nightmare investigator and also the star of the 2011 film, Dylan Dog: Dead of Night. Both CM and DD are fictional creations of Tiziano Sclavi, an Italian comic artist. I’ve never read the comic but I found CM through a fascination with Italian horror. Michele Soavi, a popular Italian horror director, directed CM.

According to the perfectly reputable online research tool, Wikipedia, DD is the highest selling comic in Italy. That’s a big statement! I’m looking into ordering some comic books, but that’s after I decide which is more important, a winter jacket or a bunch of horror comics?

So DD: Dead of Night*. Some guy gets killed by a werewolf, Dylan comes out of retirement to solve the case because he is the only human bestowed with the authority to traffic and police the undead from getting too unruly. Twist ending. If I didn’t know anything about it, I’d pass it up. It’s a crime whodunnit… bleh, which I hate because I usually like to know the entire story before I even sit down. I give it a low 3/5 (I now judge everything on the Netflix grading scale). I give most everything I watch a 3/5 because its hard to stand out to horror movie fanatic who could watch 3 horror movies a day given the right circumstance. I give CM a 5/5 because it is a 5/5. Don’t question it. Nothing will compare to it EVER. DD didn’t impress me because it was rather mediocre. It was really only entertaining because you could tell it had a backstory from a comic series. His outfit was awesome though. I seriously thought about going out to buy a red dress shirt during the movie. I even tried to buy one a few days later but my wife vetoed it. [Insert DD photo] Brandon Routh playing Dylan Dog as a character was fabulous with a wonderful script. While he is built like the T-800 from T2, he has a much more down-to-earth personality. I wish I could have as much style and flair as him. Maybe I will someday… I really liked Routh in Superman Returns and I’m disappointed to see that he wasn’t able to make the newest Superman film. He was an unknown actor to me at the time and he impressed me with his rendition of Superman’s persona. Routh deserves more credit. He could easily be an action star someday.

So anyway. Dylan and Francesco: I can definitely see the similarities between them, so that made the movie more appealing to me. All in all, after I get a copy of the Dylan Dog comic book, I’ll let you know how the movie adapts. Other than that, skip DD: Dead of Night. Go watch Cemetary Man, known also as Dellamorte Dellamore.

Thanks everyone for reading my first blog entry. In the next few weeks I’ll try to write a few more reviews. I just watched some films by Chan-wook Park which were intense to say the least. Maybe some martial arts film reviews but certainly a whole bundle of horror. Maybe a reflection on the Sleepaway Camp series.

*DISCLAIMER: Kurt Angle has a role in the movie. Watch at your own risk. You may have an impulse to break your TV at the awfulness of his acting.


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